


Addicted to You

by Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Addiction - nursing someone through withdrawl, Drug Addiction, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Peter Parker, POV Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo
Summary: Things got out of hand, and the last thing Peter wanted to happen was Tony Stark to find out.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47
Collections: What Fen Do (Instead of Going Outside), When Death Loves Flamingos





	Addicted to You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aohatsu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aohatsu/gifts).



> Big thanks to Glassesofjustice for beta work!

"Kid."

Peter shrieked, unable to recognize his own voice. He scrambled backward, but he was surrounded on all sides. The Avengers, his friends, May… they all closed in on him, their bodies half formed of swirling dust and gore. And they wanted to know _why_. Why did Peter let go of the gauntlet? Why did he let them die? They closed in like they would rip him apart, but it was just questions. Endless questions. And Peter wished they'd tear him from limb from limb. Because he deserved it.

"Kid, it's okay. Hey…"

He could feel himself being shaken, and when Peter opened his eyes, he cried out, clawing at the strong arms that gripped him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said, collapsing back onto the sweat-damp sheets. 

"Hey, hey...it was a dream."

In the low light, Peter could see the sleep in Tony Stark's eyes, and for a moment, he didn't know where he was, _when_ it was. But he was overcome, and when he leaned over the side of the bed and started to retch, Peter realized Tony was holding a trash can underneath him. When he finally stopped, Peter let his head hang there, gulping in breaths as he felt Tony start to run his fingers through his shaggy hair. 

"Why...why did you stay?" he rasped. 

He heard Tony sigh deeply, and when Peter looked up, he could see in Tony's dark eyes that he was searching for something beyond a simple 'yes' or 'no.' But he didn't want Tony to stop touching. His body ached. He felt like he was stuck somewhere between sleeping and waking, and Tony's touch was the first thing that had felt real in...months. 

"I should have come sooner, at least checked in. God…" Tony shook his head and pulled his hand away to scratch thoughtfully behind his ear. "I thought it would be better to just...let you do you, let you do your thing, have the whole," he rolled his eyes as he did air quotes" _college experience_."

"Yeah, I just…" Peter wanted to say that he didn't really know what that experience was supposed to be, that it was all just a lot, given everything. Instead, he started to vomit again.

"Just…" Tony rubbed his back for a moment before he stood. "Hang tight there. I'm gonna get you some water."

Peter rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He didn't know what day it was. Honestly, he couldn't remember much about the past week--month maybe. But one minute he was having burgers at Charlie's with Tony and trying to explain a couple of his latest projects--there were so many though. And then Tony was putting him into a car. He thought it was a car. Maybe it was the T, though. Now Tony was holding his head with one hand and a cup of water to his lips with the other. It made him feel… Peter didn't know. He felt way too much right now. He didn't know how everything had gone to shit so fast.

"Hey, hey, slow down. Sips...just, sips."

When Tony pulled the cup away, Peter wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, which he realized was shaking. 

"I'm...I'm really sorry."

"Kid," Tony said quietly as he pulled the covers around Peter, up to his neck. "What happened? Why didn't you call me?"

Peter scrubbed his face with his hands and immediately wished he hadn't because it made his head spin. He'd wanted to call so many times. Actually, he'd looked at his phone so many times wanting, waiting, wishing for a call from Tony. The reality was that Peter started MIT in a different world. And that was a world without Tony in it. There was no _college experience_ then. It was just...living day to day, everyone trying to move on as best they could. 

"I started working on it before I even got admitted. I…" Peter closed his eyes, head swimming. "Miss Potts wrote me a letter of recommendation."

"By 'it' you mean the, ah, time machine."

"No...I mean, yes. Well...just a plan...ways to try to undo everything, to...to make everything go back to normal. The time machine idea came from Mr. Ant Man." 

"So…" Tony laid down beside him in the bed, folding his hands on his chest as he turned his face to Peter. "When did you start?"

"Right after it happened. Like I said...I mean, almost as soon as I got back and could start working on something."

"I mean with the drugs, Peter," Tony said softly. "Speed? Maybe some downers after a while, when you started having trouble sleeping?"

Peter bit the inside of his cheek. Of course Tony would know. Of course he couldn't pass this off as a stomach bug or exhaustion. But it was so much worse than that. The first thing he'd done was bought Adderall from a girl who had been in his orientation group. She'd faked a diagnosis and had been selling it for years, apparently. But that didn't work. And Peter should have known better. He wasn't average, he could barely get drunk.

"I...um, no, I just…" Peter squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't stand Tony being disappointed in him. That was how this started in the first place. 

"I'm not judging you." Peter felt Tony shift, and when he opened his eyes again, he was looking up, directly into Mr. Stark's dark brown ones. "Struggling is…" he chuckled, shaking his head. "It's human, Kid. We all do it. I just wish you'd told me sooner."

"I couldn't." Peter rolled to his side, wished he hadn't and tried to contain the tears welling in his eyes. "I couldn't try to fix things and still do well in my classes without...without help staying awake."

"Kid…" Tony began to rub his back again, and Peter shuddered. He only wished it was with delight. Because Peter had dreamed of this moment--whenever he still had good dreams, at least--and there used to be nothing he wanted more than Tony Stark in his bed, touching him in any way. But he was shuddering because he couldn't control the chills, and it had been over eighteen hours since his last hit. 

"I made it myself. I...I needed to stay awake, to focus without sleep. So I could work. I couldn't...I wouldn't have been able to help Doctor Banner figure out the Deutsch Proposition and not completely flunk out without it."

"And when you figured it out, after everything...what? Even if you didn't want to come to me, Pepper…"

"I didn't want to disappoint you, okay?" he said desperately. "Sure, whatever, I helped figure it out, everything went back to normal. But I wanted...I wanted to live up to your standards." He hugged the blankets tighter around him and clenched his jaw. "I tried to taper it back, but I...I was doing really well. And then I couldn't really sleep when I actually wanted to, so I...just made something to help. I needed...I just…"

"I'm here now. I'll get you through this, kid."

*****

The dreams didn't stop, but sometimes Peter realized while the dreams were happening that he was dreaming. If he hadn't failed in the first place, he wouldn't have needed to basically help invent time travel to get everything back. Peter didn't know if everything would have been normal then. Maybe with twice the applicant pool, he wouldn't have gotten into MIT. Or even if he did, he probably still wouldn't have had friends or gone to parties or...whatever normal people did in college and grad school. 

Peter's head was pounding, but that was better than still being asleep. He was scared to open his eyes, though. That just seemed like a mistake waiting to happen. At first, he thought he could hear the TV on low, but then he realized it was Tony talking on the phone while pacing back and forth in his shoebox kitchen.

"...no, I'll stay as long as I need to. I know, Pep, but he's been cooking this stuff up himself and a facility would hurt his anonymity… Yeah...I know; I promise. I have the best specialists on speed dial if I need them…" There was a silence. "I know. I feel just as responsible."

Slowly, Peter forced himself out of bed. He felt like he'd been dropped from a ten story building, or at least what he thought that might feel like to someone who hadn't been bitten by a radioactive spider. Peter wasn't sure how he'd gotten down to his boxers and a t-shirt, but he didn't question it. His head hurt too much. He pulled on the first long sleeved jacket within reach and realized, by the smell first and the fit next, that it was Tony's. Peter hugged it around himself as he made his way to the kitchen. The smell of coffee was nauseating. 

"Oh, hey, Kid," Tony said as he slipped his phone into his back pocket. "Sit down. You look like crap."

"You..you don't have to stay." Peter pulled his hands into the sweater's sleeves and curled them, holding the soft fabric. 

"Yeah, I know." Tony leaned against the counter and took a long sip from one of Peter's chipped mugs. "Come here...come on." He put his coffee down and took Peter by the elbows, guiding him to the kitchen table. As Peter sat, Tony squatted in front of him. "Let me do this, Peter."

Peter could only nod. He didn't trust his voice. He stared at the worn linoleum floor as Tony got up and busied himself with tossing ingredients--Peter had no idea where the food had come from--into a blender. Peter knew he couldn't have kept going forever; he was close to burning out anyway. But he just hoped he could get through, get back to New York, and hopefully get a job with Stark Industries. He didn't expect to be handed anything, and that's why he kept pushing himself. 

*****

Tony loved Cambridge in Autumn. There was something about Fall in New England--the flaming leaves, the chill in the air that whispered of Winter, and the bright, clear skies that made everything seem fresh, full of promise. But this was Spring, and the rain, the sludgy snow...it all suited his mood. He sat by a window, fat droplets pelting the glass as he got some work done. 

As hard as it was for him to admit, if this were anyone else, Tony couldn't have managed it on his own. He wouldn't. But what he couldn't do was put Peter in someone else's hands because the kid was his responsibility. He owed his life to him, so this problem, this addiction was on Tony. 

He sighed and leaned his forehead against the cool glass. And he loved him. Yes, he'd stayed away, tried to let Peter have the life a kid should have. But what teenager could live a normal life after everything Peter had been through? Tony had watched from a distance, followed Peter's accomplishments. And he'd secretly hoped that there would be a distraction, that Peter would find someone who was right for him. 

Peter slept on the sofa, his face pale and shining in the flickering light of the TV. The guilt threatened to overwhelm him, but he understood. Tony spent his entire life trying to live up to Howard Stark's expectations. He only wished Peter realized how much he'd already surpassed what Tony though he could be. And what Tony wanted for him was normalcy...and someone better than Tony Stark. 

"Tony…" Peter's voice pulled him out of his thoughts abruptly. "I don't...I can't do this."

When Tony got to the sofa, Peter was curled into a fetal position, tears streaming down his cheeks. He got to the floor, sitting cross-legged, and took Peter's face in his hands. "You can do this. You're going to do this, Kid."

"I just...I can't." Peter tried to shake his head but Tony wouldn't let him look away. 

"You've gotta, Peter. Okay, you've got to deal with this because I gotta tell you, I can't… I'm not going to lose you." Tony shifted back onto his feet and helped Peter sit up, Pulling the blanket away. He wrapped it around his shoulders and climbed onto the sofa. "Come on," he said as he pulled Peter between his legs, against his chest. Tony wrapped his arms and the blanket around him. He was going to let himself have this moment with Peter because the kid needed it. And if Tony was being honest with himself, he needed it to.

Seeing Peter wild-eyed and almost incomprehensible over lunch was worrisome, but Tony hadn't realized how far this had gone. Sure, every college kid had popped an upper or two to get through from time to time. Given Peter's enhanced physiology, Tony though...hoped it was just some kind of reaction with lack of sleep, something they hadn't thought of and could fix easily. If he'd known--and there were so many ifs--how deeply Thanos had impacted Peter, he would have stayed closer, been more careful. But he'd been too busy sulking about how the world had picked up the pieces without him. 

"Kid, I gotta be honest with you, I'm not being selfless here. I need you." Whether consciously or not, he tightened his arms around Peter. Tony kissed his temple. "The fact is...I, ah, I love you, Peter. And that's," he paused, laughing lightly, "I know it's crazy...not fair. I'm pretty much an old man…"

"I love you too," Peter whispered, his eyes closed.

Tony didn't know if Peter would remember this in an hour, let alone whether he meant it. But his heart thrilled at the words even as he felt the guilt of taking advantage of this situation. 

"Let me take you to my place, okay? I'll be more comfortable, you'll get an I.V. … We can figure out the rest later."

*****

What Peter could remember of the private ambulance ride to the house Tony apparently owned just outside of Harvard Square was minimal. And really the only thing he could focus on--when he could focus--was that Tony Stark had told him that he loved him. And that, Peter knew, had to be a hallucination. Except, it had been real. Tony's arms had been around him, and he'd been holding him tight. And even if it wasn't real, Peter needed his life back. He needed to get his shit together, and he didn't think he could do that by himself. 

"Okay, Kid," Tony said as he started to switch out the bag hanging above Peter. "One more should do you for now."

"How'd you learn to do that?" he asked as he pulled the most luxurious blanket he'd ever felt in his life tighter around himself.

"Uh, how else am I supposed to deal with hangovers?"

Peter laughed only to wince. Despite feeling slightly better, his head was still pounding. He opened his eyes when he felt Tony sit beside him and put an arm around his shoulder. 

"Tony...did you…" He swallowed, afraid to ask.

"I did. And I meant it."

"Okay." Peter closed his eyes again and let himself relax. He could focus on that, for now. That didn't seem so daunting. Even living up to Tony Stark being in love with him didn't seem like an impossibility. Because it was real, and Peter didn't want to let that slip through his grasp.


End file.
